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I Scream, You Scream!/Transcript
Zidgel: Alright, I had a new piece of dental floss sitting on the sink this morning and now it's gone! Who took it? Jason: Uh, did you try looking--? Zidgel: Under the rug? Yes! In the garbage? Yes! In Kevin's diary...? Zidgel: Um, no. I haven't looked there yet. (clears throat) You're awfully quiet...Midgel! Yes, mister Midgel! Mister pilot man! Mister...Mister "Hey-look-at me, I'm a pilot man--person!" Midgel: Temper, temper, Captain. Zidgel: Temper? Temper?! Tell me, Midgel, did you hide my floss to be funny?! Does that amuse you? Tell me where it is! Zidgel: Hmm...Well...Yes, yes! Very good then, Midgel. My apologies of course. Next time, though, you might want to do that before I go berserk-o. Midgel: I'll do my best, Captain. Zidgel: You know how I hate to look silly. Zidgel: Captain's blog, stardate eighty-eight point B slash eleventy-twelve--mission accomplished! With Jason and Michelle's help, we have just completed a dangerous mission, helping the peanut butter people out of a jam. 'Twas a sticky situation, but we prevailed. Jason: (sighs) I'm ready to get back to Grandmum's. I'd like a nice cup of cocoa before bed. Midgel: You'll be back in no time, mates! I got my flipper to the medal! Zidgel: S'pose we have time to drop by the Comet Lounge for some ice cream? After all, it's Thursday. Zidgel: The Space T-Freeze ship comes by on Thursdays! Calling Comet Lounge, come in, Sol. Sol: Good day, Captain Zidgel. What can I do for you today? Zidgel: Hi, Sol, we need some ice cream to go. Midgel: Ow! Hey! Midgel: Fidgel! Fidgel: Yes? Zidgel: Ah, ah, ah! Temper, temper! Remember my floss incident? Besides, do we really know that that toenail came from Fidgel? Midgel: Well, who else could it have come from? Zidgel: Still, musn't accuse before you have all the facts! Sol: The captain's right, Midgel. Like the Good Book says, "Those who have knowledge use words with restraint, and those who have understanding are even-tempered." That means, the more you know, the less you get angry. And that's good. Anger just makes you lose control, and you end up accusing others wrongly. Jason: He talks like Grandmum. Midgel: I suppose you're right, Cap'n. Sorry I got angry, Fidge. Admiral Strap: Penguins! Come in, penguins! Zidgel: Admiral Strap, sir! Michelle: Uh, who's that? Fidgel: That's Admiral Strap, our commander at Federation HQ. Admiral Strap: I have another mission for you, penguins. Zidgel: A mission? Always at the ready, sir. Admiral Strap: Baron von Cavitus has been spotted in this sector! Zidgel: Cavitus? There's no time to lose. We should hide! Midgel: Uh, I think he wants us to capture him. Zidgel: Oh, right. Jason: What about us? Are we gonna help? Midgel: Way too dangerous, kids. It's straight home to Grandmum's for you. Admiral Strap: Right. Jason and Michelle Conrad--I've heard a lot about you. Thanks for helping to keep the galaxy safe. Midgel: Sorry, kids. Looks like we'll have to skip the ice cream this trip. Zidgel: Drat! You sure? Michelle: That's alright. We really want to get back to Grandmum's anyway. Zidgel: Well, until next time, cadets! Midgel: G'bye, mates! Jason and Michelle: Goodbye! Michelle: Oh no, what happened? Jason: What happened?! Can't you see? The thing's broken! Michelle: How? Fidgel: Hmm...corn syrup, soy lecithin, and titanium dioxide, if I'm not very much mistaken. A construct otherwise known as... Jason: Hubby chubby bubble gum! Oh no! It was you! You must have spit it out when the galeezel pulled us in! Michelle: I wasn't the only one with hubby chubby! You were chewing it too! Jason: I swallowed mine! Michelle: Well, I didn't do it! You must have done it! Jason: I didn't do it! You did! Michelle: No, you did! Zidgel: Ah, ah! Temper, temper. Here we go, accusing each other again! Remember what old Sol told us: not smart without all the facts. Jason: Well, the fact is we aren't going to be able to get back to Grandmum's and it's all Michelle's fault! Michelle: Can you fix it, Fidgel? Fidgel: Well, um...it's not...Well, I can try. Jason: Try?! Oh no! We're going to stay this size? I'm only as big as my little finger! Michelle: Can you make it work again? Fidgel: This is what makes it work. The metric magnetic matter disperser. The only one in existance as far as I know! Without this, the galeezel is useless! I fear the bubble gum has burnt it out. Jason: Can't we get another one? Who made this magnetic...micro...metal...thing, anyway. Fidgel: His name was Bert Bertman. He was my assistant long ago at the Academy. Smart lad. Big teeth. But I have no idea where to find him. Midgel: Hey, maybe Sol at the Comet Lounge knows where he is. Sol knows everyone. Zidgel: Then off we go to the Comet Lounge! Looks like ice cream is back on the menu! Kevin: Who-hooo! Space-T-Freeze! Midgel: What about our mission to nab Cavitus? Zidgel: I'll alert the Admiral. We'll just have to look for Cavitus later. No rush on hunting down a super villain! Heh heh! Kevin: Space-T-Freeze! Zidgel: So, kids? Frozen treats sound good? Jason: I just want to go home. And until we're back, I'm not speaking to you! Michelle: Well, I'm not speaking to you, either! I mean, Captain, kindly tell my brother I'm not speaking to him. Zidgel: Er...Jason... Jason: I heard. Fine by me. Zidgel: Then it's settled! We're off to find Bert Bertman and enjoy a frozen larry berry on the way! First Officer Midgel, make it so! Midgel: Aye, aye, Captain! Zidgel: Whoa! Sol: Oh, hello, Professor. Looking for a little refreshment? Professor Wordsworth: Oh, yes! I have a hankering for some grape-a-palooza. Sol: Oh, no...Cavitus?! Cavitus: Ah! Look at all the travelers awaiting the arrival of the celebrated Space-T-Freeze ship! Minion #2: Oooh! Me likey Space-T-Freeze! Larry berry gooood! Cavitus: Yes! I'm rather partial to the radioactive raspberry myself! Your dark overlord is in need of refreshment! Parallel park! Travellers: (shout angrily) Cavitus: Oh, get as angry as you want! I am Cavitus, evil overlord, and the bane of your miserable, insignificant lives! Minion #1: Ooh! Look! The hamster! It's hamster time again! Bert: Get away from me! Minion #2: Oh, but master, you're just so adorable! Bert: I am not adorable! Minion #1: Oh, yes him is! Yes him is adorable! Bert: Back to your stations! All of you! We're here on a mission. When the Space-T-Freeze ship arrives, we're going to ambush it! (evil laughter) Minions #1 and #2: (high pitched laughter) Bert: Ah, wait... Cavitus: (evil laughter) Minions #1 and #2: (lower pitched laughter) Minion #2: But, ah...Master, why ambush it? Why not just wait in line like everybody else? Bert: Once more, my low wattage friend, we capture the Space-T-Freeze and blame it on somebody else. That will make everyone angry. Soon, they will start blaming each other. Giving us free reign to take over the galaxy! Minion #1: (gasps) Master, it's the penguins! On their way here to the Comet Lounge! Bert: Those preposterous penguins have met me at every turn. How did they know we were here? Ah, no matter. I won't let them ruin my fun today! Gnat-bot! Bert: Intercept the Rockhopper and distract those penguins! Make them lose control. You know what to do. I don't need to fight my flippered foes when I can get them to fight themselves! Cavitus: That's my greatest weapon of all! Zidgel: (singing) I work everyday on my biceps Don't worry 'bout getting a tan I dance a small jig with my triceps! It's great being a man! Um...penguin. I love to go ride in a fast car, And eat pork and beans from the can, I wish I could think of something that rhymed with fast car-- It's great being a man! Zidgel: Fast car, past far, fast star...glass jar, flask of tar...Madagascar! Zidgel: (singing) Something, something, something, Madagascar! It's great being a man! Penguin. Fidgel: Yes, smashing! Alright, Kevin, now try this! It's an aerosol meat spray for easy sandwich making! Kevin: Mmmm! Fidgel: It comes in chicken, beef, or savory shrimp flavors! Fidgel: Jason, Michelle, would you like a sandwich? Jason: No. I just want Grandmum's cocoa. Michelle: I thought you weren't talking to me. Jason: I wasn't talking to you, you galeezel breaker. Michelle: I didn't break it! You did! Your gum must have come out when you were screaming like a baby! Jason: Screaming like a baby?! Michelle: Yes, you always scream like a baby when galeezeled into the ship! Zidgel: Kevin! You've been into my shampoo again! Midgel: Calm down, Captain! Zidgel: Calm down? Calm down?! Listen to me! "Ridiculous proportions shampoo" is shampoo! Do you hear me? Shampoo! But you always use it as a body wash! A body wash! Do you know how much body you have to wash?! Midgel: Now wait just a minute, Captain! Didn't you say earlier that we shouldn't be too quick to accuse each other? Midgel: Doc! Doc! What have you done to my poster?! Fidgel: I--I just needed something to protect the table. Midgel: Do you know how much this is worth? It was from the last tour of the boomerangatangs! Fidgel: Well, if you wouldn't leave your quarters in such a mess! How am I to know what's rare and what's rubbish? Zidgel, Midgel, and Fidgel: (argue) Jason: Nice going, Michelle! Michelle: What?! Now you're blaming me for this? Jason: We wouldn't even be here if you hadn't broken the galeezel! Minion #1: Oh, glorious one, the Rockhopper has steered off course! Bert: Excellent! Most excellent! (laughs) Not a moment too soon! Jingle: Space T-Freeze is fun to eat It makes each day a special treat! After veggies and your meat, Have a Space T-Freeze! Bert: This will be a day long remembered! Cavitus: I, the great and terrible Cavitus, will now rule the galaxy! Attack! Lizard King: Great ice pops! Hello?! Is anyone there?! 9-1-1! S.O.S! Help! Midgel: How would you like it if I treated your stuff that way?! Like, this! Fidgel: No! Jason: That's it! Next time, you can stay by yourself at Grandmum's! Jason: Run! Cavitus: (evil laughter) Come to Papa, little shippy ship! Lizard King: Is anyone there?! S.O.S! Help! Zidgel: Nobody wastes quality hair products on my watch, mister! Zidgel: Hey! What's this? Zidgel: (sniffs) A unique combination of citrus, jasmine, and cedar oils! I'd know that scent anywhere! My shampoo! My apologies, Kevin. It was this little imp-tron that did the deed! Kevin: Okay! Jason: Hey, what is it? Fidgel: A gnat-bot, if I'm not very much mistaken. From its markings, I deduce that it belongs to none other than the dark lord Cavitus! Midgel: Cavitus! Zidgel: Cavitus! Kevin: Cavitus! Piranha plant: Cavitus? Fidgel: He did all this! The shampoo, the poster. He wanted us to fight and accuse each other! But why? Michelle: Hey! Look! What's that flashing? Midgel: The Space T-Freeze ship! It's come under attack, by Cavitus! Jason: What do we do? Zidgel: Here, my leafy friend. Guard him well! We have to hide now, I mean, we have work to do! Michelle: Why didn't we just think things through before accusing each other? Jason: Sol was right. Our anger made us lose control and get way off course! Zidgel: But now, we're back on track on our mission to capture Baron von Cavitus! Penguins, to your hiding places! I mean, stations! Michelle: I hope we get there in time! Cavitus: Space T-Freeze is fun to eat It makes each day a special treat! After veggies and your meat, Have a Space T-Freeze! Cavitus and his minions: Woah! Ahhhh! Oof! Cavitus: What? What happened? Hey! My stuff! My disperser! Zidgel: Uh...is it safe? Game over, Cavitus! Cavitus: You! Zidgel: Yes! Me! Well, it's us actually. Let's see, there's one, two...There's six of us! Seven, if you count the plant. Cavitus: No! No! Zidgel: Ha, ha! Yes, yes, Cavitus! You'll never rob the good people of Sector 12 of their delicious Space T-treats! Midgel: And now we're going to reel you in! Zidgel: You've wreaked your last havoc. Cavitus: Those penguins! Bert: Those penguins! Minions: Awww! Hamster time! Bert: Quit petting me! Let go, you! We need to escape! Bert: We've broken free! Hurry, before they hook us again. Mark my words, oh penguins, I will return to retrieve my disperser, another day! Zidgel: Hurry! Shoot the thingy at Cavitus' ship before he gets away! Midgel: Thingy? Zidgel: It's technical commander speak, Midgel. You wouldn't understand. Fidgel: Look! It's a metric magnetic matter disperser! Kevin: Cavitus is getting away. Fidgel: No matter. Our first job is fixing the galeezel for Jason and Michelle. Zidgel: True, true. Why confront a dangerous foe when you can let him go? And have Grandmum's cocoa. Zidgel: How did Cavitus get that metric...uh...thingy? Fidgel: Stole it from Bert Bertman, most likely. Well, this is in perfect condition. You're going home, children! Zidgel: But first, we have a date with some frozen confections! Sol: Well, what can we say? Thanks again, guys! Midgel: Not a problem, Sol. We would've been here a lot sooner, but Cavitus' gnat-bot had us at each other's throats! Here, Fidge, have a frozen pumpkin-cicle as a peace offering. Fidgel: Oh! Fidgel: I've learned my lesson, too. And I'm certainly glad to see you two are speaking again. Jason: It got crazy there for a minute, didn't it? Y'know, I guess I could have lost my gum when the galeezel pulled us in. Michelle: No, might've been me. Anyway, I don't think either of us can really know for sure. Jason: Either way, I'm sorry I blamed you and got so angry. Michelle: Me, too, Jason. Fidgel: Oh, Sol! I was meaning to ask you, do you know whatever happened to my old assisant Bert Bertman? Sol: Bert Bertman...Hmmm. Bert Bertman...Oh, I remember him! Inventor. Nice kid. Big teeth. Don't have a clue what happened to that little hamster. Jason and Michelle: Hamster?! Fidgel: Oh, yes! I didn't mention that to you before? Bert was my pet hamster! Yes, he was very ambitious. Well, children, ready to go home? Jason and Michelle: You bet! Grandmum: Oh, well you're a smashing paper boy, I'm not saying otherwise. But you didn't deliver my paper this morning. Well, where is it then? I did look, young man, I did! Grandmum: (gasps) Oh, my! Wherever did you find it, pumpkins? Michelle: Under the picnic table, Grandmum. Grandmum: Why, thank you, thats--(gasps) Oh, dear. Jason: What's the matter? Grandmum: I accused the paper boy of not delivering it. Oh, I feel just horrible. Jason: Sol told us the good book says, "Those who have knowledge use words with restraint, and those who have understanding are even tempered." Michelle: That means the more you know, the less you get angry. Grandmum: Sol? Jason: Just a friend of ours. Grandmum: Well, he's a very wise friend, indeed. Now, why don't you two kumquats go get ready for bed whilst I call the paper boy and apologize. Michelle: Thank for this exciting wonderful day. Jason: And for new friends and good ice cream. Grandmum: And thank you, God, for two very wise young children who taught their grandmum an important lesson. Jason, Michelle, and Grandmum: Amen.